Note: I wrote this review two days ago, before the official MV came out. The dance version is horrible enough, so there's no point in subjecting myself to anymore torture.
Short review: This isn't anything close to Wedding Dress, so don't get your hopes up. Detailed review after the jump.
This song sucks so much dick that I have to go into excruciating depth to explain the horrors of it. Since the majority of the people who were looking forward to this comeback from Taeyang are girls, this situation is written so that you will understand it. You probably couldn't sympathize with me when I wrote shit like "I would rather have a screw go up my dick than to listen to this piece of shit ever again". Short review: This isn't anything close to Wedding Dress, so don't get your hopes up. Detailed review after the jump.
Imagine that you're going on a date with a man that you would describe a 10/10 on your criteria. This correlates with you loving every Taeyang song that you have liked until this point. You know tonight is the big night, where you two are finally going to do it. You had to make sure that this guy wasn't a total loser, after all. You didn't want to join the rest of your friends on MTV's 16 & Pregnant while also needing to take welfare money from the government in a few years because you were stupid enough to have three more kids with that dead-beat father. You are really excited, just like you were for Taeyang's Ringa Linga.
You're anticipating a great dinner, hoping that your perfect man will take you to a nice restaurant. This is your anticipation before the teaser comes out. You find him driving up to the drive-through lane at McDonald's. You have this perplexed look on your face, as you even dressed up...to go to McDonald's. It would have been okay if he had purchased something worthwhile from the menu, but he just orders a double cheeseburger for you and him. He spent two lousy fucking dollars on dinner for the two of you. You were disappointed, just like you were after watching the teaser for Ringa Linga.
You both get home and start making out, tearing off each other's clothes. He pulls down your panties and throws you onto the bed, with you lying on your stomach. He extends his right index finger and middle outs and spits on them before forcefully inserting them up your butthole. The initial pain you feel is the pain that your ears felt when you first listened to Ringa Linga. You tried your best to enjoy it, but you're just not into the anal action at this stage in your relationship. With hardly any foreplay, your 'perfect man' shoves his dick right into your asshole, continuing the painful experience. You were just happy that this lasted only three minutes and fifty-two seconds (the length of Ringa Linga). He jizzes in your butthole and you are just hoping that this is the end. But no, it gets worse. Just like how this song has left you traumatized, the next sex act leaves you traumatized.
Your man forces to shoot the jizz out of your asshole and he catches it in a cereal bowl. Mixed in with the jizz is shit because your man was too big of an asshole to give you an enema. He grabs a spoon and scoops up some jizz and shit mixture and forces it into your mouth. Before you able to even react, he has pinched your nose shut and covered your mouth, giving you no choice but to swallow his jizz and your shit.
And you would rather have that happen to you again before listening to this song ever again. The end.
